my first marathon

yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i finished it! its over!

and i ran every fucking mile of the entire fucking 26.2 miles. (the last 0.2 miles were the longest ever, fuck!!)
and i'm fucking proud of it. and i got my first ever medal for athletic activity.
fuck, i can't believe i did it. fuck fuck fuck.

thank u all who rooted for me :-)

and i'm now going to sleep because every part of my body that can feel pain is hurting. oh and thanks to a lovely summer day in the middle of fall i have a tan (along with the medal) to prove i was out there for a fucking 5 and a half hours running.

please excuse the overload of the f word but i think im going to let myself say it as it is today.
fuck!

current song Faith by George Michael

feel it in my fingers, i feel it in my toes

am i in love?! no!!

i can't believe it. 4 months of training. just flew by, whooooosh.

tomorrows the D-day. 26.2 miles. i damn well want to finish it so help me God and all his angels and anybody else i might have left out.

reminds me, need to have a talk with my body too. especially my knees.

uh-oh....something's creeping, buzzing, tickling my stomach, hands, legs, fingers, toes...help! i'm being attacked by butterflies!

current song White Flag by Dido

don't you...

hear the strangled screams of my ravaged heart
or are they muffled and subdued
in your presence, misconstrued?

hear every resurgent hope of mine
be dashed, wail and repine
with every condescending dismissal of thine?

hear the clink of gold, fill the empty coffers of my soul
parched and lovelorn
of all endearment shorn?

current song Lullaby by The Cure

drool factor - way beyond drooling. yearn factor - max

$399.00
Weight - 6.2 ounces
Dimensions - 2.4 x 4.1 x .69 inches
Battery life - Up to 12 hours
Skip protection - Up to 25 minutes
Display - 2-inch (diagonal) grayscale LCD with LED backlight

i want one!!
waaaaahhhhh....

current song Rock and Roll by Led Zeppelin

peekaboo

this morning i woke up feeling quite woozy from the "two" coldacts i took last night for my cold. (yup i still depend very much on my trusted indian drugs) i showered and dressed in a daze, all the while wishing i could just get into bed, dig into the comforter and curl into a ball.

then i dragged myself to the busstop and duly stood in line waiting for the bus to turn up.
a minute or two later a car pulled up and out came a man. there was something very odd about him and i blinked twice thinking it was probably all that wooziness playing tricks on my eyes. yet, nothing changed. the man's freaking fly was open! well that sort of thing could happen to anyone right? but this guy was wearing BOXERS!!! for those who dont know about boxers, they are a type of men's underwear that look like mini-shorts and have buttons or just a plain slit in the front (guys feel free to correct me if im wrong). so what if he's wearing boxers you say? well this one either had a slit in the front or the guy had forgotten to do his buttons. oh dear God. thats all i need to see. the head of a penis in my face first thing in the morning.grooaann.

well, maybe, i thought to myself, he's one of those psycho pranksters. and then i saw him walk right towards me. oh my God. on the surface i looked all calm and collected, inside i was panicking like a monster truck was headed in my direction. but i was rooted to the spot, trying to tear my eyes away from the ghastly thing sticking out but it was like i was in some kind of a trance (also keep in mind - woozy head). he kept getting closer and closer and i kept glancing around for a bush or a tree or anything i could duck behind but alas, in vain. he stopped right in front of me.gasp! "excuse me", he said and i looked aorund confused. thankfully, before i could make a fool of myself i noticed the newspaper vending stand right next to me. relief coursed through my veins and i managed a weak smile, stepped back and turned around. now i was standing face to face with the girl behind me who was trying very hard not to laugh aloud. i grinned back in silent understanding and for a while we just kept grinning.

later when i got onto the bus i noticed that he had zipped up. had someone told him? or did he just start feeling abnormally cold? what i wouldn't give to just see the expression on his face at that moment *big grin*

current song Judy Blue Eyes by Crosby Stills & Nash

number of sneezes since morning - 6 (bad). sniffles – overwhelming (baad).
units of medicine consumed – 0 (bad bad bad). cups of chai since morning 3 (good) number of boyfriends - 0 (hmmpf)

i hab a co’d. sniff.sneeze. ohhhh :(

i don’t get it . i mean how does someone catch a cold from washing their hair? even in the midst of summer? gaaah!

well, it being fall and all i don’t want to end up catching the flu. especially with the flushot shortage all around. oh well. if i was meant to die of a cold, i will. all my bad karma ganging up on me. maybe it is time to pay that visit to the temple. bhagwan ko thoda maska chaska lagayenge ;)

met this really really cute kid on the bus today. and boy could he talk! was probably about 5, maybe? (i’m really bad at this kind of guesswork) he told us all about the space and the moon and the earth and the other moon. and about his cousin steve. showed off his spelling skills a bit. up, dowwwn, up and dowwwn again. that’s an M for you. his favourite teenage mutant ninja turtle is michealangelo whose favourite colour is yellow. got a good early morning laugh. i admire his mother. good kid.

am on the train as i write this. every single train ride i take is so interesting. love observing people. the way they talk, dress, gesture. so much fun. oops. time to get off! work beckons.

am poised, confident career woman in manner of Indra Nooyi etc.
(oh yeah still hungover on bridget jones)

current song You Are by Pearl Jam

its just, a little crush...

Bebe Floret Shoe $89.00	Stuart Weitzman Suede/Microfiber Booties $285.00
Michael Kors Ankle Strap Boots $595.00	Prada Western Buckle Pumps $395.00

drool factor - max

current song Dancing Shoes by Cliff Richard

So, I was born with an oft envied, sometimes admired tan. I’m brown skinned. And then there are the whites and the blacks. And the yellow skinned. And the Asians, the Europeans, the Latinos, the Africans, the Aussies and I’m not really sure if there are the Greenlanders and the Antarcticans and all!

Oh I get it. It’s the visual factor. Fat people are looked down upon and ridiculed, the gawky, social butter-fingers are written off as losers, those on the extremes of the physical/visual spectrum are labeled freaks and so on and so forth.

Hmmm. On second thoughts, maybe not. How would that justify the violence that stems from the most cruel and hurtful, the mother-lode of all the forms discrimination manifests itself amongst us – racial discrimination? How would that justify the hard glint of hatred in cold, angry eyes when they mutilate and kill their fellow human beings in the name of religion and race? Is that how far are they willing to go to justify (or is it to earn?) the sense of “belonging”? I am prone to think that it can only be a person, who after innumerable unsuccessful attempts to find within one’s self any kind of fulfillment or sense of accomplishment or self-worth if I may, that clings with dear life to such notions of hatred and superiority.

I know. Countless articles, books, whitepapers etc. have been written on the “phenomenon”(?). This is my rant, my personal venting. Yesterday a dear friend confided in me the disappointment that stems from a rude shock to the belief system as a consequence of being sheltered and in denial so long. That this is the land of opportunities, that one who toils the hardest, reaps the most. Reaps the harvest of reward and of Respect.

Discrimination. The “D” word. Must it haunt us, from within our nation and without? By virtue of skin colour, of caste, of social status, of language, of geography, of wealth, of all those myriads of totally despicable reasons that never fail to gross me out.

For now all I can think is, when i have a family, if I can make my kids as oblivious to all this gungho crap as I was growing up, I can probably hope to have made my tiny contribution to making this world a little better. I Hope.

current song A Hundred Years by Five for Fighting

newly promoted public affairs chairman...surprise happy hour...champagne flowing...hic! public relations, ha!

hic!

didn't i say i wasn't going to post again? yeah, after this...feeling nice and warm and fuzzy right now

anybody want to go dancing?

current song Faded by Soul Decision

so the other day i was talking to my roomie and she told me that my blog was depressing. i read all my posts all the way back to the day i started blogging. and i saw what she meant. what a whiner i am! and i was going to do a post about how we watched Bridget Jones' Diary last night and how i must have said "that's me!" a thousand times.

so ive decided, i dont want to be a whiner. and untill i can find that part of me which is strong and positive and funny, i'm not going to post anything.

hopefully i will be back soon.

current song Poison by Alice Cooper

a sure sign my work's stressing me out:
walking down a seemingly lonely corridor talking animatedly to myself and stunbling upon a colleague who asks me if im okay.

current song Still Got The Blues by Gary Moore

morning activities:
saw an indian lady with her kid on the train to work. the cute little girl was reading her alphabets in sing song fashion. she was so adorable i had to resist the urge to turn around and lift her up and squeeze her and kiss her. and for the first time instead of fighting the "i want me one o'those...and before that i want to be swept off my feet by someone made just for me" feeling, i let myself indulge and once i was done i just went back to reading my newspaper...voila...*snippety snap fingers*...just like that and by jove, it worked!

stepped out of the metro station and walked right into a corner guy selling long stemmed red roses for 2 bucks a half dozen..i mean you can't beat that and when no one's giving u any (i mean flowers), by all means buy yourself some.

5 minutes and a jaunty walk in the crisp morning weather to my building later, i felt like it was all going to be perfectly alright!

nothing like children and flowers and the crisp cool of a fresh new morning!
all warmth and fuzzies inside :-)

i made up my mind last night, all stressed and wound up as i was, that this was not going to do. so i screwed up a bit. expired decals, delayed registration, towed car - ok maybe i screwed up a little more than a bit *sheepish grin*. but, BUT as i always say "when you have to go through, why rue?" (i know that stinks)

so here's to a brand new day, a changed, "decompressed" me.

i just hope it lasts

current song November Rain by Guns N' Roses

thank you God, for wonderful roommates!

current song Until The Last Moment by Yanni

Sig Sauer P226. Greatest gun ever! Feel special.
Beautiful and reliable but can still scare the
living bejesus outta anyone.


What handgun are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

something's gotta go wrong
'coz im feelin' way too damn good

and so my car got towed this morning :-(

current song Feelin' Way Too Damn Good by Nickelback

John Mayer's got me covered on this one

My stupid mouth,
Has got me in trouble.
I said too much again.
...
Oh, it’s another social casualty
Score one more for me
How could I forget?
Mama said think before speaking
No filter in my head.
Oh, what’s a boy to do?
I guess he better find one soon
...
I’m never speaking up again.
it only hurts me.
I’d rather be a mystery ...

Oh I’m never speaking up again.
Starting now

12 miles...along part of the actual marathon course. great weather (perfect if it wasn't so muggy) and a gorgeous view. running along the water in downtown, the capital city that i work in every single day but i never thought could look so beautiful.

exhileration.

current song 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover by Paul Simon

maybe im just one of the guys

alright, i tried and failed (in my mind). not so much failed as ended up thoroughly exasperated. i am just not ms. social butterfly. i can't see the point of mindless, empty chatter that somehow comingles with the haze of ciggarette smoke feuling constructive my-work-place-sux bitching and flows into topics on conversation that has me wishing i was anywhere but there at the moment. where even in the midst of such inherently inane conversation every little word seems to take its own twisted connotations. or thats how it all seems to me. nobody else seems to be complaining. and they all hold their own in a manner that i can only appreciate for it seems to be an art they've perfected. an art that to me is as foreignly unmoving and puzzling in its alienness as modern art to is to...well, maybe my xbox-is-my-life game geek friend. this social circuit and its metropoliton culture of happy hours where everytime i half-heartedly falter into one, i invariably get hit on by someone so cheesy i wouldn't even waste my dislike on. such encounters tend to severely undermine ones confidence i say!

take for example a happy hour yesterday evening. a casual tété-a-tété with friends, to play catch-and-fill-you-up on our highly uneventful (okay maybe only mine was that uneventful) week. a mediocre, totally white-washed place with moulded all white plastic (or the like) furniture. supposedly served great sushi which ofcourse didnt do much to satiate the hunger pangs of a vegan foodie like me. a drink and more people down the line, a conversation between a married colleague of a friend and a couple of us single girls ensues. about how appropriate it is or not that he take off on a vacation with "just the guys" and more importantly without his wife.
mr cheesy-i think-im-so-suave (my friend's colleague, friend whose taste in a few friends i am seriously beginning to question) cuts into the conversation with a very deft and smooth (or so he thought i'm sure), "alright i'm taking the liberty to barge in on this conversation *insert cheesy grin*". in keeping with the spirit of the conversation, and a lame attempt at being derisively funny i quip "are you married?". cut scene. zoom forward to this evening. i'm on the phone with K going "uugghhh, wasn't that guy so weird and (again) cheeeesy? i wonder why i have an aura that seems to draw such looney characters to me" defering to the fact that he kept trying to talk me up all evening. she goes "well, you asked him if he's married!" and i did not even remember having asked him that question! after some flashback and you-said-this and then-he-said-that i recalled the unfortunate incident. i mean cut me some slack willya folks? if i was even remotely interested in a guy wouldn't i atleast make eye-contact with him? uuuggghhh!!! also, my only prized-possession, my quick-wit admittedly with sarcastic undertones...*grin*... has now gotten me labeled "defensive". that i use it to underplay my insecurities. whaaa??? really? this particular apparent-trait of mine has gotten me thinking, a lot.

oh well, any given day i'll take a loud irish pub playing good ol' classic rock and loud mouthed, cussing inebriated friends over this. where i can wear my terribly worn out torn jeans with my fav raggedy tee, sit cross legged on the chair and get stupid drunk without worrying if its time to reapply my lipstick.

or even a trash party at my place. jus give me a holler.

current song Change Your Mind by Sister Hazel