From halfbakery.com...this site is so funny!
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//Fortune condoms! A surprise every time...//

Oh, the joy this could bring!
-You will soon find yourself disappointed.
-You will be showered with joy. Kinky bastard.
-Think again, man. She has the clap.
-Confuscious say: man with defective condom is man with little problem. Problem be here in 9 months.
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more here...

current song Walking on The Moon by Christian McBride

home...

5:09 pm

another long day of work. i have to leave before 5:15 or be prepared to be trapped in the horribly slow traffic. I’m about to shutdown the computer when i see an email come in. "would it be too much work to breakdown this report by bla bla and email it to bla bla tonight, before you leave?" sure, why not. you're my boss's boss.

5:20 pm

i don't like traffic. strike that. i hate traffic. 45 minutes to cover 10 miles, 8 of which are on the expressway. go figure. as i try to catch up on life outside mine on NPR, i think how much i miss riding the metro to work and back. how i much i miss catching up on my reading, trying to crack progressively difficult sudoku puzzles, observing the latest fashions on hip young women, hearing snatches of conversation some funny some mundane some plain sad.

my knee hurts from hitting the brake every two seconds. then there’s the occasional lane changer who is convinced the lane i'm in is moving 2 mph faster than his. no i dont think i'm being unreasonable. i'd definitely much rather be on the metro, thank you.

6:03 pm

it’s dark already. umm, i love the christmas lights on their patio.ooh and the gingerbread men on their lawn. christmas reminds me of diwali. i haven't been home for diwali in 6 years. new job and i haven't accrued enough vacation to go home this year. 3 years it will be.sigh. i pull into the driveway, check the mailbox and come in. the house is dark, like everyday. "hey sweety!", i hear you say. i turn on the lights and walk into your office. there you are. in your dark little corner of the house, hunched over the computer, the LCD glare absorbing your face. i could watch you like this. for a very long time. look at you, working so hard, oblivious to everything else. i know. i know you will say "im so hungry, i could eat a horse. i totally forgot to eat today!" and i will toussle your hair, "my poor baby" and kiss you.

"you're staring again. aren't you going to come over and kiss me? im so hungry i could eat a horse. i totally forgot to eat today!" yes baby. i could do this everyday. come home. to you.

http://webosphere.wordpress.com/

Neat!

de-stress

while im working on an actual post, here's a filler..and a funny one to boot!

to all u gal pals:

BRIDGET JONES STRESS DIET

A specially formulated diet designed to help cope with the stress that
builds up during the day:

BREAKFAST
• 1 grapefruit
• 1 slice whole-wheat toast
• 1 cup skimmed milk

LUNCH
• Small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach
• Cup of herbal tea
• 1 miniature Mars bar

AFTERNOON TEA
• The rest of the mini Mars bars in the bag
• Tub of Hagen Daas ice cream with chocolate-chip topping

DINNER
• 4 bottles of wine (red or white)
• 2 loaves of garlic bread
• 1 family size supreme pizza
• 3 Snickers bars

LATE NIGHT SNACK
• Whole frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)

COMMON DIETARY RULES

1. If no one sees you eat something, it has no calories.

2. When drinking a Diet Coke with a chocolate bar, the fat in the chocolate bar is cancelled out by the Diet Coke.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you eat less than they do.

4. Food used for medical purposes do NOT count (for example: hot chocolate, toast, cheesecake etc).

5. If you fatten up the people around you, you will look thinner.

6. Cinema related foods have a zero calorie count as they are part of the entertainment package and not counted as food intake (this includes popcorn, Minties, Maltesers, Jaffas and frozen Cokes).

7. A biscuit broken into pieces has no calories because of calorie leakage caused by the breaking.

8. Food licked from knives and spoons whilst in the process of cooking has no fat.

9. Foods of the same colour have the same amount of fat. For example: spinach and peppermint ice cream; apples and red jelly snakes.

10. Chocolate is like a food-colour wildcard and maybe substituted for any other colour.

11. Anything eaten while standing has no calories due to gravity and the density of the calorie mass.

12. Food consumed from someone else’s plate has no fat as it rightfully belongs to the other person – fat will cling to his/her plate.

And remember “STRESSED” spelt backwards is “DESSERTS”!

current song Bolo Hari (Niraj Chag Remix) from Yoga Mela by Prem Joshua