maybe im just one of the guys

alright, i tried and failed (in my mind). not so much failed as ended up thoroughly exasperated. i am just not ms. social butterfly. i can't see the point of mindless, empty chatter that somehow comingles with the haze of ciggarette smoke feuling constructive my-work-place-sux bitching and flows into topics on conversation that has me wishing i was anywhere but there at the moment. where even in the midst of such inherently inane conversation every little word seems to take its own twisted connotations. or thats how it all seems to me. nobody else seems to be complaining. and they all hold their own in a manner that i can only appreciate for it seems to be an art they've perfected. an art that to me is as foreignly unmoving and puzzling in its alienness as modern art to is to...well, maybe my xbox-is-my-life game geek friend. this social circuit and its metropoliton culture of happy hours where everytime i half-heartedly falter into one, i invariably get hit on by someone so cheesy i wouldn't even waste my dislike on. such encounters tend to severely undermine ones confidence i say!

take for example a happy hour yesterday evening. a casual tété-a-tété with friends, to play catch-and-fill-you-up on our highly uneventful (okay maybe only mine was that uneventful) week. a mediocre, totally white-washed place with moulded all white plastic (or the like) furniture. supposedly served great sushi which ofcourse didnt do much to satiate the hunger pangs of a vegan foodie like me. a drink and more people down the line, a conversation between a married colleague of a friend and a couple of us single girls ensues. about how appropriate it is or not that he take off on a vacation with "just the guys" and more importantly without his wife.
mr cheesy-i think-im-so-suave (my friend's colleague, friend whose taste in a few friends i am seriously beginning to question) cuts into the conversation with a very deft and smooth (or so he thought i'm sure), "alright i'm taking the liberty to barge in on this conversation *insert cheesy grin*". in keeping with the spirit of the conversation, and a lame attempt at being derisively funny i quip "are you married?". cut scene. zoom forward to this evening. i'm on the phone with K going "uugghhh, wasn't that guy so weird and (again) cheeeesy? i wonder why i have an aura that seems to draw such looney characters to me" defering to the fact that he kept trying to talk me up all evening. she goes "well, you asked him if he's married!" and i did not even remember having asked him that question! after some flashback and you-said-this and then-he-said-that i recalled the unfortunate incident. i mean cut me some slack willya folks? if i was even remotely interested in a guy wouldn't i atleast make eye-contact with him? uuuggghhh!!! also, my only prized-possession, my quick-wit admittedly with sarcastic undertones...*grin*... has now gotten me labeled "defensive". that i use it to underplay my insecurities. whaaa??? really? this particular apparent-trait of mine has gotten me thinking, a lot.

oh well, any given day i'll take a loud irish pub playing good ol' classic rock and loud mouthed, cussing inebriated friends over this. where i can wear my terribly worn out torn jeans with my fav raggedy tee, sit cross legged on the chair and get stupid drunk without worrying if its time to reapply my lipstick.

or even a trash party at my place. jus give me a holler.

current song Change Your Mind by Sister Hazel