Monday, February 27, 2006

yes yes, someone promised to post to post over the weekend...but then that someone also owns a 97 honda. when this someone bought that car she was promised atleast 3 years of utter reliability and fun.....somehow she managed to misinterpret it ...apparently car owners and cars speak a different language when sale of car is involved....anyways car frustrations aside....someone did do some thinking over the weekend.

has it happened to you where you're caught up thinking about something and then the whole universe seems to be trying to help you, well in its own subtle albeit undeniable ways? take for example me. whenever i listen to great music - a wonderfully gifted musician weaving magic with fingers or an artist pouring out his or her soul, breathing passionate life into the words of a mere song or a when i read a deliciously delightful poem or when i hear a scientist speak about his or her research - it makes me jealous. yes, you heard me right, jealous. not of their talent for which i am grateful, but for the passion with which they do what they do. for so many people seemed to have found that one thing, that one special magical pill made just for them, that makes them oblivious to the rest of the world, that makes their spirits soar, that they would always have even if everything was lost. reminds me of one of my very first conversations with R (aah sweet memories)...and he said to me, " not everyone is fortunate enough to find what it is they were meant to do, forget what it is they would like to think they were meant to do. thats just the way it is ". and i took that to heart. i wanted to prove i was one of them. i'm smart, creative, adventurous, surely i can find my passion, i thought. i was training for my marathon at the time and i was pumped on what they called the "runner's high". i thought i had found it, there on the trail, me running at 11 mph minutes a mile, one with nature, it was exhilarating. and then the marathon had been run, i had a medal a certificate to prove that and a few months later i was still on a break, and nobody talked about it anymore and soon it was like it never happened. now i have to make quite an effort to get myself to get out and run even 2 miles. so, was i, am i, passionate about running? what is it that i'm passionate about? i used to paint (quite well actually) in high school, then i didn't have time for it. then i played handball for a bit and then slowly life took over and somehow now i have nothing. passion. passion. what is my passion? do i even love passionately? how am i supposed to know? but when you're passionate about something, wouldnt you know? in your bones? would you make excuses to avoid doing something if you were passionate about it?

with a hundred zillion such questions crowding my mind, i sat down to watch the amazing movie Iqbal last night...and there again was a kid with nothing but a passion and a burning desire. and his mentor who just had to say "i believe we all come into this life to do something extraordinary. only most of us spend our entire lifetimes trying to figure out what that is" or something to that effect. which got me wondering if i indeed, was one of the countless destined to spend the rest of my life lost and trying just hard enough to make life a little better. sigh.

current song When You Come Back Down by Nickel Creek

2 Comments:

Blogger obscured said...

'passion' is a forbidden word in my life. its the 'the word that must not be named'
it brings nothing but disappointment and sorrow.

5:53 AM  
Blogger methodactor said...

Aaah, musicians, artistes, scientists, actors, geologists etc...– with an all-consuming love for their muse, whatever it may be. I think its their anchor that helps them sail through every windy storm and every stretch of deceptively calm waters. They are just gifted and lucky. I hear you.

6:50 AM  

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