every saturday i run the furthest ive ever run in my life..setting a milestone every weekend. now for a lazy scrabble-playing sloth like me thats quite a big thing. but the 14 miles seemed much longer than the 13 last saturday because of the scorching sun. the heat drained every ounce of water and energy from my body and i felt like i was burning up and would just go up in flames any second ...just like the phoenix in the harry potter stories. and then i understood totally what they mean everytime they say running a marathon is more mental than physical. i tried coaxing my body, telling it to run one more mile and i would reward it with a mintue's walk..it refused to listen..i said ok maybe not a mile but lets atleast do a half mile before we slow down...nope, no avail...my mind was doing its job...chugging away mile after mile thinking of the cold gatorade and warm bagels waiting in the parking lot..my body only a step ahead....then by sheer will i made my mind my body ...and when i made it to the parking lot it didn't matter that the water wasn't as cold as i'd wanted, there was no gatorade and absolutely no sight of bagels...all that mattered was that i did not quit

fatboy slim! just what i needed to zip back to my ususal "peppy" self (yup somebody actually used that to describe me today...yes i was pleasantly surprised myself!)

current song Drop Some Drums (Live on Brighton Beach) (luvv this number)

Pain that anchors my heart, you will never know.
Memories cherished, yet, they cast a shadow.

It was not long ago; to you I bared my soul
You filled my senses and I felt...whole

Love to soothe my heart, I found in you
Flame to torch my passion & all that seemed so true...

For the touch that burns, those melting eyes
I pine, I long, despair and desire.

The darkness punishing, I sink lower and lower
Alas dear heart, will this ever be over?

didnt mean to...but there i was, listening to our song. and for a while i couldnt help but stop pretending it didnt happen...hurts, but life goes on...and i can only hope im wiser and stronger

i want to break free

im typing away, copying, pasting, erasing, typing, editing, reloading, saving......sometimes what i want to see just pops up on the screen and im happy....more often than not i have to do so much more debugging to see what i would ideally like to (by now its probly fairly obvious that im an amateur programmer) and as i go through the motions my eyes blur, my shoulder blades ache from constantly hunching over the keyboard...(everybody says i have great posture, but my back still hurts like hell) and then i think, what do these tiny colored letters on the screen mean after all? i mean they're just miniscule digital entities, that convert to these stupid forms online that somebody wouldnt even half care to fill up for some blighted convention...and if im able to do what they want (what do i look like miracle woman?) what on earth does that mean to me? what the hell difference does it make in light of the bigger picture? i mean sure i’ll take the credit, swell a little with pride over my accomplishment, i'll probly even ask them if there're anymore miracles i need to perform. and i admit i'll be back here trying to perform another miracle just because in some twisted, lunatic way this sado-masochism challenges and stimulates me.

current song Have a Drink On Me by AC/DC

Q. What is Calvin's monster snowman called?
A. The Torment Of Existance Weighed Against The Horror Of Nonbeing.

I love Calvin & Hobbes!

thnx ice!

well, excuse me...coz i'd mistaken u for somebody else,
somebody who gave a damn, somebody more like myself...
jewel

current song Foolish Games by Jewel on continuous loop

....to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. this is to have succeeded.
- emerson

sunroof, moonroof - never could get the hang of it. i call it "the rainroof". like tonight. a nice light drizzle...windows down, the wind spraying the rain on my face, a cute lil love song - my current telugu fav "i am in love" from Satyam. aaahh...pure unadulterated pleasure

On and on the rain will fall
Like tears from a star like tears from a star
On and on the rain will say
How fragile we are how fragile we are
- Sting, Fragile

mondays r not usually my cup of tea....the weekend past seems too short and the week ahead a tad too long to handle...but this monday, today, is unusally comfortable - like it brings with it the promise of something new, something exciting. is it because i've made peace with my demons? does it mean i hold no grudge and accept my past, my failures, my disappointments, my failings - in the hope of a new sunrise? i have no way of knowing except by living each day - learning, absorbing, embracing hope. but there have many more times when such days have led on to cloudier ones, when i don't feel this strong, when self-doubt resurfaces with a vengeance, when i long for the comfort of family - of mamma's chai, of grandma's wrinkly hands and the constant debates with dad...

but for now, maybe for the next few hrs, i'm strong, i'm focused and i'm at peace

current song Fragile by Sting

i feel good

the last few hours seem unreal, the recollections hazy and almost dream-like. but i was there and the trail by the rapids looked breath-taking...strong and unrelenting, giving me the inspiration i need to keep going, pushing the limits of my endurance

it also helped that by sweet serendipity there was this guy running ahead of me wearing a tshirt, the back of which said "pain is nothing compared to what you feel when you quit". now on, thats my marathon mantra.

current song One and One by Robert Miles.

woohoo!

i did it! i ran everyone of those 13 miles and am still standing...took me clost to 3 hrs tho' at my slow pace...but i did it tand thats half the marathon.....the tougher half is still ahead ..looming large. but i shall worry abt that after my badly needed nap...poor me woke up at 5:30 this morning... :-(

current song Until the Last Moment by Yanni.

TGIF!

k from work sponsored a 100 bucks! its nt much, but its a start...never done any fundraising before and have no clue where to start

why is it that everytime i start to post something to the blog my mind traverses the path to blankdom? at other times i think so much my poor grey cells are probably losing some of their grey...hmmm

came across this today - http://whatthebleep.com/ sounds very very interesting. opens on sep 10 here, most likely will go by myself, coz even if i did ask someone with me, what would i say? "ummm..i was wondering...would you like to go to "what the f*** do you know"..naaaahhhh....and besides going to the movies by urself once in a while is quite an interesting and fun experience...the key is to pick the right movie....esp since im a person who likes to say atleast a few things to the person with me during the movie, about the movie. not that a lot of ppl like that, but thats me....moi...maybe kirti'll go with me

movies under the moon...grass, bugs/bugoff, giant screen, wine?(gotta find out), ghostbusters...sounds good....hmmm not bad for a friday night, dont u think?

i have to say, being guy-free after 7 yrs (ouch!) really is fun...i mean absolutely guy-free..no potentials, no crushes, no yearnings, no "oh baby, i wish u were here"....only lots of single fun, no questions asked and tonnes of "love song for noone" (gotta love John Mayer)

psyching myself for tomorrows "thirteen" mile run..yup thirteen...gulp...just because i did ELEVEN last saturday doesn NOT mean i can do it this saturday, phir bhi dekhte hain kya hota hain...emantaru telugu lo? "rayi vesi choodu"...hehehe

current song Duur by Strings.

lazy thursday

hmmmm......i wish it was sunday...
sunday's my day....laaaaazy and absolutely chill
cook my favourite food , watch my favourite movie

but why am i talking about sunday on a thursday? lets see...thursday, thursday has a definite feel, anticipation of friday
my fridays have been screwed up ever since i started training for the marathon, friday's have moved to thursday....but then thats just me and its a little weird but i'm game
the thought of being able to complete 26.2 miles is so exhilarating
only done 12 miles so far but im gonna get there...thats the easy part
the hardest is raising mo-ney

hmm....think think think

"Tuesday has no feel. Monday has a feel. Friday has a feel. Sunday has a feel.
I feel Tuesday and Wednesday"
- Newman and Kramer, in "The Sniffing Accountant"