i want to write…ohh i so want to write…something profound, something funny, something quirky, something dark, something, anything that will make this blog “earn” its link-age, justify its existence other then as a mere outlet for venting my single-line thoughts and rants or to post the words of a song that i’m currently getting my kicks out of.

i carry with me the burden of myriad thoughts. why is it that i find it so difficult to express them in words…lyrical, flowing words. words i have always found solace in. words chewed, assimilated, absorbed. again, i see no direction in what i write this minute. oh well...i walk to the mirror…hmmm, the same face stares back at me. closer. new scars and old. i close my eyes. an inexorable urge to weep. for the loneliness that i pretend is my pinnacle, for the uncertainty that hangs like a terribly heavy, terrifyingly dark cloud threatening to crush me out of existence, for all that i thought i was and all that i've discovered i am not. an overwhelming sense of loss...loss of time, loss of trust.

who stole from me my confidence of my rebellious youth? why am i bereft of the conviction of my own convictions?

untrusting, yet strong. unsure, yet steady. suspended in inanimation. maybe later, but not now, not this very moment, i am just not ready yet, to move.

and rahul, yes i agree, king of pain is a beautiful song. hadn't heard that one before. thank you.

"Hey I was just a skinny lad
Never knew no good from bad
But I knew life before I left my nursery - huh
Left alone with big fat Fanny
She was such a naughty nanny
Heap big woman you made a bad boy out of me
Hey hey!"
- Fat Bottomed Girls by Queen

ROFL!! Queen rocks!!!

current song Fat Bottomed Girls by Queen

i will always remember, cherish and miss
those wonderful years in school (trying to (!) get my master's degree)

the times when we wud sleep all morning and stay up all night in preparation for the exam the next morning

times when most of us had cooking turns and had no idea how to cook...S's aloo roast(burnt), A's deelish southi food, K's amazing pulusu, my several attempts at trying to inject a little variety into our limited cuisine..limited by the fact that we lived in a god-forsaken town with no indian grocery store...i still shudder when i come across lima beans

times when we were so homesick we wud watch any movie as long as it was desi

times when the apartment complex was like one huge apartment, when no doors were locked, nobody really owned anything and everything belonged to everybody (except thankfully underwear)

times when the internet was down because of scheduled network maintenance, life came a standstill (i kid you not!)

times when "friends" = tv show didn't really register

times when all festivals were celebrated by everybody and dinner was a mega feast

times when snowfights were like a all night affair, what with so many people involved

times when homesickness was inherently treatable with plenty of warm hugs and warm words

times when a night out meant a night at the lab (which was pretty much every night)

times of endless dumb charades all weekend, till our reportoire of movie names, books and everything else was all but exhausted

times when we wondered "why did i ever leave my country" and "what the fuck am i doing here?"

times that tested for true friendships and left us with forever friends

times that are now past and cherished and missed ...so much

current song King of My Castle by Wamdue Project

you're so vain, i bet you think this post is about you, don't you?

im looking for a high...not alcohol-induced and nope i don't do dope.

current song Ironic by Alanis Morisette

nothing too irnoic in this song but you've gotta love the way she weaves the lyrics into the music, so effortlessly...fluid-like

quit whining. start working.

current song Sexual (Afterlife Remix) by Amber

and i missed this party last night...i'm so lame

current song Hey Baby by No Doubt

its all abt patterns
being caught in a vicious circle and being aware of it yet not being able to summon enough courage to break out of it
because it is familiar
and in some perverse manner comforting in its familiarity

current song Wond'ring Aloud by Jethro Tull

i am so mad right now i could hurt someone. sick tired of being"always patient, always nice".grrrr....
next job please

i dont even have music playing....damn!

tanahaaI kii ye kaun sii ma.nzil hai rafiiqo.n
taa-hadd-e-nazar ek bayaabaan saa kyuu.N hai

current song Seene Mein Jalan sung by Suresh Wadkar composed by Jaidev from Gaman

a poem that, years ago, was started by me and finished (completed?) by a friend.

a friend who was the first ever to read my first ever poems (poor guy)
a friend i lost somewhere in the maze that my life is ...well, hopefully only lost touch with...

Strange is truth, stranger is life,
Intertwined in strands of jute and silk
Juxtaposed in indescribable harmony
Unbalanced emotions, imperfect sensuosity

Whatever passion, knowledge, fame or pelf,
Not one will change his neighbors with himself.

The learned is happy Nature to explore
The fool is happy he knows no more,
The rich is happy in the plenty given,
The poor contents him with the care of heaven.

See the blind beggar dance, the cripple sing,
The sot a hero, the lunatic a king;
The starving chemist in his golden views
Supremely blessed, the poet in his muse.

See some strange comfort every state attend
And pride bestowed on all, a common friend,
See some fit passion every age supply,
Hope travels thro’ nor quits us when we die.

Behold the child, by Nature’s kindly law
Pleased with rattle; tickled with a straw
Some livelier play things give his youth delight
A little louder, but as empty quite;

Scarves, garters gold amuse his riper stage,
And beads and prayer books are the toys of Age,
Pleased with his bauble still, as that before
Till tired he sleeps, life’s poor play is o’er

- srinivas kuppa aka vasu

current song O Sole Mio by Andrea Bocelli

Laloo evokes interest abroad oh please....

This is music to Laloo's ears (groan)

current song Love in an Elevator by Aerosmith

is badalti hui duniya ka khuda koi nahin
saste daamo mein har roz khuda bikhti hain

current song Aaina Mujhse Mere sung by Talat Aziz and composed by Rajesh Roshan from Daddy

the "what the fuck" philosophy

"every now and then say, what the fuck.
what the fuck gives you freedom
freedom brings opportunity
opportunity makes your future"
- Miles to Joel in "Risky Business"

yeah, i only just saw the movie (sheepish grin)

current song Can You Handle It by Usher

18 miles again...had to do 20. oh well...
mentally i was all fuelled...infact at just about the 3 mile marker leftie knee made me want to just turn around and go back to my car but i just couldn't. "its just about getting past the pain", i kept telling myself. and what do you know, it worked! the pain didnt seem to matter anymore...but my knees have a mind of their own and as much as i wish i could wire my mind to my knees, it doesn't work like that. so 18 miles and orange juice and one croissant and banana later, here i am, feeling good. coach says since ive got my base mileage in now on upto the race day its just about surviving. don't run if you're injured. swim, bike anything to keep the pressure off and let the knees heal. i love nick, he's a good coach - tough, knowledgeable and never unreasonable.

right now though, the next 3 days are going to be tough. but i have stretches, ice and ibuprufen :-)

current song Nobody Knows by the Pat Mcgee Band

got free tix to their concert tomorrow at the Country Club.

"THOUGHTS AND THINGS

I concentrate on the concentric rings
produced by my pen in the ink.

The thing that distinguishes thoughts from things
is that thoughts are harder to think."

- Piet Hein

gosh i am so in love with these grooks!

and please don't judge us fobs by the accent we speak english in my dear abcd friends (:-D sorry! just couldn't think of any fitting euphemisms that would say it like abcds or fobs!). though it might be momentarily flattering to be deemed "very cool" by you guys just because i dont have to try hard to speak ur language to u in ur tongue, there are oh so many cooler folks, rather fobs, who are wiser and smarter and way cooler than i am, accent or no accent. just give them a chance and you'll see.

but bear in mind i love and respect you all because i learn so much from u and luvvvv hangin' out with y'all!

current song Yeh Dil Deewnana Hain from Kabhi Aisa Lagta Hai by Lucky Ali

looks like its that time of the year when all jills are waaaaiting for their jacks to call...


current song Cowgirl by Underworld

V you'd probly enjoy these: Grooks by Piet Hien

current song Wild Child by Enya

check this out:

http://launch.yahoo.com/video/default.asp?vid=1110709

current song With Arms Wide Open by Creed

do NOT assume. ASK me.

current song Precious Illusions by Alanis Morissette

and yet again i am wrong
yet again i am disappointed and disillusioned
yet again i am alone

but i have myself and tomorrow is another day...

current song Nothing Compares to You by Sinéad O' Connor

i don't think i will trust anyone anymore, especially men.

but i can say with far more certainty that i will not be fodder for people's voracious appetites for gossip and meaningless dissection and deconstruction of the lives of those who who have far better (and more meaningful) things to do.

the finger to all of them, get a life.

current song Back in Black by AC/DC

"Whenever you're called on to make up your mind, and you're hampered by not having any, the best way to solve the dilemma, you'll find, is simply by spinning a penny.

No - not so that chance shall decide the affair while you're passively standing there moping; but the moment the penny is up in the air, you suddenly know what you're hoping."

- Piet Hein

current song Black Velvet by Alannah Myles

Elaine: You know what your problem is. Your standards are too high.
Seinfeld: I went out with you
Elaine: That is because my standards are too low.
Seinfeld: Aaaaah!

current song Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd

18 down 8.2 to go

tough trail, beautiful trail...a trail i'd love to go back to when im not running
the Belle-Haven Marina Trail

my left knee now decides to act up from mile 1...i push it, taking a break after each mile stretching the IT band. its hard but i manage alright till i hit mile 14...after that i realize it is royally screwed and walk/jog the last few miles...im happy i went all the way but if only i could've run the last few miles...

the thought that i am closer then ever to the finish line is exhilerating!

current song Exhale by Whitney Houston

another huge welcome and warm welcome to her...i am soooo looking forward to a lot of interesting posts citygirl ;-)

current song Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

this song always gets me jumping around and hyper, so much energy!!!

dont i confuse the hell out of u? i confuse the hell out of ME

current song Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leppard

Kevin Rose is giving away 1000s of gmail invites at his website.

Event #1:
Friday September 3rd – 5:00PM PST
1,000 GMail Invites

Event #2:
Tuesday September 7th
Between 4:00-5:00PM PST (Live on The Screen Savers)
2,000+ GMail Invites

All invites will be posted on kevinrose.com as clickable links. Scroll down the list, click on a link, and sign up for an account. That's all there is to it.

current song Stayin' Alive by The Bee Gees

what a day it was..september 1 2004 will probly go down in my personal history as the day for the most number of revelations and the most eventful day yet.

can things turn around in just one day?

me: maybe i'll just wait and see
Me: but i dont really want to sit around and wait (wait for what though?)
me:then maybe i'll just move on
Me:hmm..i feel like hanging around just a little bit longer. i kind of like it here.
me:you've got to make up your mind you know
Me:but why?
me:because if u stay suspended in indecision for too long u'll just cease to exist
Me:really? hmmmm.....hmmm.....hmmmmmmmm
me:what do u want girl?
Me:like i know
me:alright i give up
Me:so just like that u'll just give up on me
me:uurrrgggghhhhhh...ur driving me crazy!

current song Hoshwalon Ko Khabar Kya by Jagjit Singh from Sarfarosh

kiss on the lips - you're sweet and simple but
quite daring. you move for the kill confidently
knowing the other person wants the same thing.


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

current song Manmadhude by Sandeep, Ganga from Naa Autograph

a warm welcome, huuuuge hug and mmmuuuaah to her; my friend for all seasons, my everything buddy....miss u so sweety

current song Turn Me On by Kevin Lyttle

interestin bumper sticker i saw this morning:

"Men with an earring make the best husbands
They can take pain, and know how to shop for jewelry"

LOL!

current song Still Got the Blues by Gary Moore