conspiracy theory anyone?

***UPDATE*** May 27, 2005
whacko supposed to move by the end of this week. llr finds out last night he intends to move out in the next two weeks. gah! "what if he doesn't move?", she asks me worriedly. worriedly? what's she got to worry about? what about me, who wakes up in the middle of the night, startled because i thought i heard a man's voice talking to me? (it was his voice coming through the paper thin walls. for God's sake, at 4 am in the morning?!?!)

anyways, more updates - he stole lilmay's swimming pass (well not actually stole stole, but picked it up off of a table 'coz it was just lying there' without asking if it belonged to anyone! lilmay furious, is gonna kick his ass, yay!! ok lilmay its official, so now you ain't gonna let me down are ya?

and finally my roommate and more importantly my landlady has decided to move in with her boyfriend into his brand spanking new condo "right across from vienna metro station" (yes, they just have to mention that every friggin time they talk about it. it is the biggest metro station in the entire county and hence the implication "i've got money!" gah, i'm actually happy for them so let me crib!). for some convoluted, irrational reason (huh?) totally lost on me, she decided to rent out the master bedroom she lives in to a 45 year old indian man. ok disclaimer highly necessary here. i have nothing against men, indian or not, older or not. but consider two young women, used to romping around the house in their towels and giving themselves pedicures while eating ice-cream in between giggling fits watching sex and the city. imagine their plight when they realize they can't even walk around the house bra-less any more. imagine their agony when they realize they can't talk about how sexy tom welling is anymore or how hot brad pitt's luscious behind is. f*** they can't even even say f*** a zillion times anymore! but as far as roomerly love and all, they're willing to give it a shot and atleast meet the guy before jumping to any more mind numbingly frustrating conclusions. man walks in, leaves a trail of pungent BO fumes wafting in the air as he follows landladyroomie into her room. other roomie, lilmay107, almost dies of suffocation. me? i'm rolling on the floor, in splits, over lil's discomfort despite my accute disappointment (must mention we were secretly hoping he was a hotshot-handsome-aging-wonderfully-well-fit-bod-techie-45yrold-indian-man). man leaves, leaving another fresh trail of noxious fumes. landladyroomie asks us, "what do you think?". like two cows we nod our heads vigorously. "we don't like him!", we echo. llr is all disappointed. why? coz she already signed the blooming, bloody, friggin, darned lease contract with him! she thinks she's disappointed? we're furious!! well, outlining what happened after that would entail writing a mini-play with enough drama to last a year so i shall skip that. suffice to say he now occupies the master bedroom in our condo. but, aha, all the interesting parts got skipped in the so-long-you'll-hate-me-mini-play so allow me to present a few highlights.

- refuses to show ID (llr nuts to have signed contract without verifying ID)

- shows up without security deposit.

- stupid llr already handed him keys, so comfortably deposited all his worldly
belongings in condo

- things go haywire, cops visit us twice (no, they were not hot and tall with iron man bodies. infect they were short and mildly cute, stupid and full of attitude)

- man calls us pigs, part of evil network, conspiring to make his life
difficult for him

- blah, blah, blah, more blah, blah, blah

- contract signed, nothing left to day but to let him stay

- llr working on eviction

- in the meanwhile i try talking to him to size him up and see what all that "evil network" talk was all about

- all i get is - "this has been happening to me for the last two years. it’s like a workshop. every where i go there are people with scripts waiting for me ready with their dialogues. even when i go to restaurants, it’s like they all know what i'm going to eat. i know why you're all doing this. it’s a criminal network and you're part of it. i'm always doing my own thing. i don't know why it has to be like this"

i'm living with a certified whacko. if i'm not here blogging the next couple of days (with more updates) consider me hacked to pieces. (OMG!)